Reflections On Motivation

 Someone recently asked me what made me decide to spend a year as a student missionary.  I had to laugh at myself because I realized that if I had recognized my real motives before going, I would have had a really hard time raising the necessary money.  I can just imagine myself going to ask great aunt Thelma for some funds.  "Aunt Thelma" I would have said, looking at her with big eyes and using the tone of a most worthy great nephew, "Will you pay money so that I can go be a hero?  I want to go to Africa so that my friends will be impressed with me, will you give me some money?"  No, I’m not so sure aunt Thelma would have been so generous.  Of course looking back it is likely that she knew what really motivated me even though the words I chose to describe my goals sounded a lot Holier.  Luckily aunt Thelma knew that no matter what my reasons were, I needed to go.  And she sent me on my way with a check, and a wink. 

 My problem was that I was more interested in appearing to be a missionary, than I was in being a missionary.  God is pretty clever when it comes to people like me.  I'm not the first selfish person God has used.  Look at our friend Jacob from the book of Genesis.  That sneaky guy was determined to take his brother's place as the family patriarch; Jacob loathed the idea of being second to his brother.   So Jacob pulled off a dirty trick and took Esau's birthright.  God didn't have to use such an ill motivated individual to serve His purpose, but He did.   God used that very situation to help Jacob become one of the patriarchs in the bloodline of Jesus.    

 God knew that if I went to Africa and actually tried to share Jesus, and actually laid bricks and if I actually gave immunizations, and actually did work in His name, that His purpose would be served.  Some of His buildings would be built, some of his sick children would receive medication, and while I was busy doing this work I would realize some things about myself.  He knew that when I realized what my motives had been it would disgust me, and I would find new motivation to fall at his feet in submission.  He knew I would learn to mean what I say when I ask him to humble my prideful heart. 

I often find myself trying to decide whether or not to participate in certain missions or projects.  It is obvious to me that my motives fare often selfish.  In my experience choosing to act, regardless of the motives, has been a good thing.   People can benefit from my help even if I did it for the wrong reason.  What I get really excited about is the real change I can see in myself.  When I go and help people I witness the real needs that they have.  Somehow my motives get rearranged and I find myself doing things out of genuine goodwill towards others, and loving it.  Maybe that’s why he said go.